yamanai ame da neeee

Saturday, June 23, 2012

i want to dye my hair orange.

i want to be in a forbidden relationship, with a forbidden someone.

i want to go for jogs in the middle of the night, all alone, when it is 3 degrees out.

i want to secretly bring a puppy home with me one day.

i want to sky dive without asking for permission from my parents.

i want to tell people what i really think about them.

i want to relentlessly rant about someone i don't like.

i want to go into a restaurant and tell them 'GET ME ONE OF EVERYTHING, PLEASE' with a smug look on my face, simply because i can.

i want to meet a hollywood star that i drool over and pretend i don't know him.

i want to one day wake up to find that i've magically been flown to paris while i'm asleep.

i want to live my life unafraid.

i don't know if i really want all those things i just said i did. but i know i want to stop being scared. what is it like to feel fearless?

6:48 PM

independence
Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Being here, I feel like I'm just beginning to learn the true meaning of independence.
From minor things like bursting your light bulb, getting your jeans altered, to slightly more important things like having to deal with internet problems alone. To even bigger stuff like losing your your wallet along with all your valuables, being stranded in a strange land with no money to go home and no one to call for help. Being unable to even remember your OWN telephone number when the police asks for it..
I've stopped trying to compare and stopped yearning for familiarity when I meet troubles because I know its not helpful. When things happen, all I have is myself. I know that even though my friends and family are always going to be there to support me emotionally, it wasn't like before where they could help me solve my problems.. Slowly, I find less and less need to tell them the details of my problems because that would only make them feel how far away I am, and how its not in their capacity to help me. It makes me feel bad too.

BUTZ. Still, independence is a good feeling...

3:42 PM